Saturday, 31 December 2011

the first entry in 2012 :) gonna be jotting down some of my resolutions :P

1. lose some weight (recycled from 2011 T_T)





2. read my piles of spider-webbed ebooks. oh, that reminds me that i (maybe) should get an ebook reader :P



3. i want to put my drawing in this blog, coz i keep losing them =_=''' but for that i either need a drawing tablet OR a scanner (fine! more things to be bought in 2012 )



4. be a better human






i guess that's all? i think no. 1 is achievable coz i think i will do a lot of cardio exercise in the spacious uni. no. 2... i guess it's okay as long as it wont strain my eyes too much. no. 3.... i'l see if i can buy a drawing tablet :P and no. 4 is the most challenging of all. but i'll try. dah nama pun azam, haruslah kene cube dulu... 

:) 
 

just something i watched from shane dawson. and my realization. funny how i can get realization from a video of a im-dead-if-i-dont-curse-for-one-minute drag queen. ok. despite what i say in the previous sentence, i love shane. and shanaynay :P

Shanaynay : So, what's your problem?

Aaron : Well, my family hates me, my friends hate me, i don't have a girlfriend. And i have a fatal disease that's gonna kill me in the next 10 years.

Shanaynay : Oh my God!

Aaron : I know...

Shanaynay : Not you! Someone brought Rice Krispie Treats into the office and didn't offer me any. Girl, you better bring them over before i cut your ass!

Aaron : So what should I do?

Shanaynay : You gotta stop being a bitch.

Aaron : What?

Shanaynay : Listen, the reason people hate your ass's coz you're complaining all the time. Crying about your diseases. "It hurts. My organs are bleeding. I can't poop because coz there's a tumor covering my butthole." Your friends don't give a shit, doctors dont give a shit. The only person that gives a shit is Jesus. Did you bitch to him? 

Aaron : Well, I guess not.

Shanaynay : Well, there you go, go bitch to him instead of bitching to everybody else. 


the above conversation is an exact copy from his video, and i hope nobody would get offended by it. all i wanna say is, though it's harsh and connected to other religion, this part of the video kinda remind me that i am alone in this world. i may have my parents, siblings , friends and that special friend who may care , but eventually it's ME that's looking after myself. i have a lot in my mind, especially in this stressful time, and because i just dont know where to let it out. this blog is one way. and the other one is by confessing to Allah. i usually ended my prayer with my own usual du'a that it has become so familiar that i kinda lose grasp that actually Allah is the only one that i can be honest with my fears, my feelings, my insecurities and my melancholy. But now i get the concept back. It's not the 'bitching' concept like Shanaynay said, but for me, in this real life, it's more to opening yourself up, be honest to Allah about what you feel, what you're afraid of, and what's bothering you. Next step is working it out to get the result you really want. And hope for the best :)
 

Comsie said :)

New years is the 'reset' button for us all!

Let's make it a good one! 

You all have value! 

You all have potential! 

You all have dreams! 

So in 2012...let's make the most of them!


my own reminder for myself

aku tak pernah berjanji

untuk 

setia pada kamu

bukalah matamu

berpaling dari diriku

benamkan semua mimpi-mimpimu

jujurlah pada hati

masih banyak cinta menanti

jangan kau harapkan aku

Friday, 23 December 2011

me is jess? but i cannot disagree with the last part lol. that's sooooo me, i have to admit it.

guide for an introvert (like me) to function in this world where extroversion is highly overrated

1. practice meeting someone in front of mirror, complete with full eye contact and open question 'the other person' can answer without having one explicit answer.


2. balance  the 'alone' time with socializing time so i won't lose my own perspectives while maintaining the connection with others.  


3. give the extroverts clue so that they wouldn't misunderstood your silence as sign of uncomfort.


4. get out there and communicate!

the reasons a stressed student like me should be alowed to keep cat in hostels



-researchers said that cat has more calming effect to their owner than any other pets.- 

right? i'd prefer coming home to purring cats compared to an aquarium full of gaping fishes gurgling 'feed me! feed me!' plus, 'calming effects' means i'd be more willing to take a book and study or i'd rather spend whole night loving the furries. oops, cat lady much? :P





________________________________________________


-stroking cats can reduce blood pressure and also one's chance of getting heart disease -

yay! keeping cats make the owner live longer :) 



________________________________________________


-they are also easy to keep, considering the fact that they are smart and independent, thus low maintenance-

err... not really THAT low for me... but still affordable. and even more convenient if the cat is clever enough to dump its poopoo at the right spot. dont wanna go to bed to discover piles of cr*p on my sheets...


________________________________________________


-plus, cats are cute! really!-



need i say more? 




i rest my case

 

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

well, this 'get a better complexion now' section is perfect for me. :)



1. how to hide breakouts
     
don't use concealer. instead, take a fine-tipped brush and dip it into the lip of the foundation jar. because that is the spot where the foundation become thicker, thus it'll cover better :D


2. how to make pores invisible

okay, so no more using layers of powder to hide pores. instead, wear mattifying primer alone or before applying other make up.
fine.


3. how to reduce skin redness
let it soak in soothing lotion to reduce the swelling and also to calm the irritated skin

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

how to relieve clogged nose :) about 20-30 secs for each step would be enough. and please sit down while doing these, no matter how tempting the floor might be

use your thumb to rub the spot between the eyebrows. apply circular motion.


place thumb and index finger between the eyes. slide 'em along the top of eyebrows before going back to center. repeat.

place your thumb and index finger on the spot between the eyebrows. then, follow the direction of the arrow above repeatedly.

currently i'm sooo into e-zine flipping, and because i'm so lazy to make bookmarks or make scrapbook for interesting things i found, i'll just dump it all here. maybe it'll be useful to others too... who knows? hehehe here's one for starter.


why is this teabag and these little black spices makes up a power combo?
well, here's how the story goes...

according to rutgers university study, eating meals with black pepper while sipping on a cup of green tea will help in losing weight. 

this is because the spice improve the absorption of calorie-burning antioxidant present in tea by a whopping 130 percent.
  

talking about my ideal workplace... is that what they call 'ruang kerja'? i forgot the term, for now..


 simple and modern.... hm... do i smell increased productivity?



 meh, not really my taste.... but still, COOL.......




it's flowery, kinda romantic, and PINK & BLACK! what more i could've ask? oh, money and energy to turn this into reality. right...



hair color does change people, at least for some ;) or maybe only for katy perry XD


 from this short-haired blonde







to this amazingly gorgeous .... catwoman (lol) 

i don't celebrate christmas, but i like it's elements : food, costume, atmosphere, tree, blahblahblah.... and when pet owners celebrate christmas, it means... DRESSING UP TIME FOR THE CUDDLIES!!!!

it's already daytime... why is my stocking still stay untouched? my desired specially-handmade-tuna kibbles??     









yes, judging from my bored face, anyone can see clearly that i'm bored. this is my last year's costume for god's sake. i told Master i wanted the pink satin one but... let's just say our telepathic communication doesnt work out well 








is that santa? is that santa? ........ OUCH! why did he tore his beard off completely? i bet it hurts like hell. that, or he's another fake. oh...



'this is my favourite time of the year. the only time she would lie close to me is when my body heat proves to be useful. fml in another season'

i love cakes, but on 2012 maybe i'll just drool more and eat less. and rainbow cakes.... well....

those are pretty much like fondant. pretty to look at, but not really likely to be eaten. idk... i guess i just loathe things with so much artificial colours . lagi-lagi the bright ones. X0 

maybe it's just me. or i'm just health conscious seriously? smirk


















and i just watch 'fabulous cakes' on  TLC (i think) and there's just one cake that they state the price. 4800 dollars. yep. fourty-eight effing hundred dollars for a cake consisting of mostly bland-tasted fondant and edible lacquer no one's going to eat. 

that's why i like simplicity

Monday, 19 December 2011

the day when you're not well and completely lose the will to study

but miraculously still have the strength to surf the internet all day long

fml

Sunday, 18 December 2011

second and third lessons from New Girl #1

SECOND LESSON

in every scene where guy and/or girls live together, this thing should exist. believe it or not, some girls can be a real douchebag. dont be fooled by their 'sweet n nice' acting when there's a presence of good-looking males around them



this thing is ESPECIALLY useful if one of 'em really is one big douche-b. one month passing this thing around and ta-dah, a free meal for everyone for one night! and that particular person can learn the meaning and application of STFU.


_______________________________________________


THIRD LESSON

 to tempt potential dates is not really a hard work if you're beautiful like rebecca black

 seriously?

but there's something important in introduction phase that a girl have to be aware of.

SMILE

okay, this one is okay



i dont know why schmidt doesnt like it. wait, on second thought, this kind of smile is too open to be presented upon a stranger. it's like "look at me! i wanna do you, like, TOTALLY!!" kind of smile.

and this one, OH HELL NO.


 
  i think it made her looks like a chipmunk?


and move on to the next one. this kind of smile is the most magical one. really. it can turn zooey deschanel into thin rosie o'donnell in one blink of the eye. 


amazing


and the last thing, this 'hey sailor' thing.... i'm not sure about this...


TOTALLY

not sure

about it

 

first lesson from New Girl #1



"not all strangers you meet in the internet are rapists and/or serial killers"


well, maybe this one is


well, maybe if he shave all the mess and wear (even a fake) smile, i'd have him out of the category. what can i say? appearance matters


and oh-God-forbid this one could ever be


oh, hell no!
he's obviously a good guy! 
the dreamy eyes wont lie!
and that smile, i'd just die!

:P


Saturday, 17 December 2011

ok. i admit i'm obsessed with the idea of getting boys as housemate or roomies. below is just one of the reasons why . lol


okay..... the terms 'platonic relationship' AND 'guys + girls in a house' may not mix well unless the guys are gay and the girls are straight or vice versa. but i just love the idea. 

i mean, LOVE the idea.

really.

especially if i can get this particular man as the platonic housemate.

no, not any man, but THIS man.


oh man..... i just melted.

for you, friend

every hint you dropped (i dont know if it's intentional or not), well i had them understood. i mean, wow. just wow. you're strong enough to get over the *ONE* big challenge in your faith, while me here, struggling with so many other oh-so-little temptations. my friend, you are so lucky to have such strong heart, the one i hope i can one day manage to turn mine into.

i am still stuck between this and that, but i'm trying to make boundaries bit by bit. it's a battle i dont know when it will end. but wish me luck, cause i wish you luck too. 

Thursday, 15 December 2011

does it has to be this way? cause i CANT cope

come one dude
get your act right

we all have our own problem
sure thing, you got yours
and while mine may not be as BIG as yours
................
please please please please please please

do NOT be cross with me 
the WHOLE fucking time
cause i dont know if i can cope with it
or i'll just cross myself out of your life

........
........
........
and to end this stressful post with a lighter note,
i will put a cute shanaynay picture


there.



Friday, 9 December 2011

rare is true love, but true friendship is even rarer

Liyana poured cold fresh milk into two glasses, completing the breakfast set of that day; chicken omelette and blueberry pancakes... and milk. She carefully carried the tray to the living room. He was watching some anime on TV intently, until the smell of freshly made pancakes disturbed his attention. He paused it and went to her. Or rather to his meal.

"Mama... I wonder. Is the people in these shows are different from the real people?" 

"What made you say that?"

"These people, it's like friends are everything to them. They cherish friendship as if it's something so precious... they even willing to die for it. But in my life.... My friends... It's nothing like that. You see, some would betray others. Some would left their friends for their weaknesses. Some would ditch their friends because they find better ones."

Liyana looked at Hazry with unknown expression. A bit of amazement. A bit of disbelief. And some sadness. At such age he was thinking of that, when his friend are all wondering how to get their hands on the next porn.

"So what should I be? The ones in the anime or the ones I saw in real life? I'm confused mom. To be too faithful, I'm scared that in the end *I* would be the one hurt. But I don't want to be a jerk too. And I don't want to be lonely, too...."

Liyana swallowed her last bite of blueberry pancake and looked at Hazry. "I don't know. seriously. Though I'm your mother, it doesn't mean I know everything. Hazry, let me tell you. I suck in this department. I often cried and whined when all the drama of friendship went into my head. But you know what your father said? Don't get too close with anyone. He told me family is the priority. i can't say I agree 100% with his suggestion, but it did clear some sh*t out of my head."

"It's not like you can't have a best friend. Or several. But true friendship is very rare, hon. Even rarer than true love."
 

Monday, 5 December 2011

is endless forever?

Diana stirred up slowly as the sound of crowd woke her up. She sat on her bed as she peeked outward the window. The workers were getting ready as the bakery will open in thirty minutes. Already the smell of fresh bread and scones lingered its way into her room. Diana held her grumbling stomach, thinking it's the cons of having one's house located exactly inside a large bakery.

"Are you still thinking about him?" The sudden voice lead her sight to the young man standing at the door. Diana shook her head and smiled at him. The ever caring brother, Daniel.  He just got back from three days trip to Quel City accompanying the workers buying the world's best flour.

"Those weeks I did missed him endlessly."

"I think there was no light in your eyes."

"I'm sorry, Daniel. But I realize now, he won't be coming back no matter how much I yearn for him..."

Diana stood up and hugged him.

"...And endless doesn't mean forever." 

Sunday, 4 December 2011

i am.erica

"saya erika."

i nodded with a smile. stood before me was what you would call a typical tak sedar diri urban malay girl. beautiful, with the aid of mass of gunk on her face. tight red blouse and white skirt so short i can just stoop a little and get a bit sneak peek i hope.. ok, jk. i'm straight. her hair was a colorful combination of gold, dark gold and black. not pretty, coz the black roots shows the whole gold thing is fake. bummer. i guess she missed her last appointment in the hair saloon.

'saya erika'
'i am erika'
'i am erica'

she is indeed.

"something's wrong with my face?" she asked, slight apprehensiveness on her expression. demm. i was carried away with my thoughts again. 

"no,no. saya sarah." she smiled. 

"cantik skirt," she said to me. my favourite plaid one, of course it's nice. it's comfy and short enough, suitable for this country's hot weather.

ahh... another sweet little americanized girl. guess i find my partner in this new college.

:)
     

Saturday, 3 December 2011

here's hoping i won't turn into one


now i won't go around talking,
how much i despise the species.
"attention seeking whore" well, i do.
but i guess it's no offense telling people
who are close to me
about my insecurities
but sometimes... the words just like,
flow out, unstoppable
to the wrong people
one you can call 'the newscasters'
(wow, that sound like a guild)
they keep info about everything to be told to everyone
worst, it's for free
huh~

back to topic
attention-seeking whores
are not just the ones who make negative remarks and hope for loads of soothing replies
they include
...
...
...
...
ok, i ain't got the &^%$ to define my opinion of what qualify people to be ASW.

:)

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

his words remind me why i love him so much in the first place

"... There are going to be times when we're not happy with who we are or what we've done. Times when obstacles are going to jump in our way. Times when the whole world looks like shit...and times when we're going to be really hurt because of it. But...does that mean we have to roll over and die everytime we hit a bump in the road? Do we give up? On our friends? On our family? On the world? On ourselves?

Yeah, I've been called an optimist. I wear the nametag proudly. Yes, I've seen hard times. Yes, I've had my heart broken. Yes, I've had a 'less than glorious' childhood. I've been shy, I've been awkward, I've been angry, I've been depressed. Trust me...there is NOTHING about my life that would allow somebody to say, "Well, of course HE'S happy! He's got everything going for him." No...I don't. I'm not going to pretend that every day of my life is a happy one. I'm not going to pretend that I have some goal where I can say, "Once I finish this...I'll never have another problem again." I'm an optimist, but I'm not an idiot. I am in touch with reality, you know?

But happiness doesn't mean NO pain and NO rainy days. Happiness is appreciating the good times that you've got, and knowing that when the bad times come...you'll get through them just fine. It's just a matter of looking at the current parts of your life, the state of the people and the world around you."

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

tripped

Mischa walked down the empty road with her white veil flowing against her jet black locks. It's so quiet, she could hear her own breathing. She was dumbfounded; she had heard from the others that a party was to be held on the road. And every guest was suppose to wear a costume. Just a typical party for Halloween. And there she was. Alone. No one told her the party was cancelled. Not even ones close to her.


"Fuck you guys", she mumbled under her breath. What's the use of being friends if there's no appreciation?  She walked back to where she came from with quickened strides which made her long wedding gown bloated up with the strong wind, and the fake blood on the side of her lips dripped down onto her chest.


"They're always like this. Once I get it over with this university course, I'm off of them. Of the neverending drama. Of the bitches. Of the sluts. Of the hypocrites."

"And I had to face the new bitches, sluts and hypocrites in the place where I soon work at. Damn."


Mischa realized her phone was vibrating. Winnie called, hesitantly apologizing about the party, saying that she was meant to tell her about it, but the others didn't allow her to do that. With means to make her look like a fool; dressing up in a lonely road alone. They even took her phone away and just gave it to her seconds ago. Mischa smiled and thanked her.


"Maybe I'd like to keep some, even after the course."
 

Monday, 31 October 2011

of love and tears

when i'm sad, i like to cry
i just despise the headache that comes after it

i don't mind crying for a whole day
or all night long
because i know there's 
so much memories
so much regrets
so much love
for him
that now i can't reveal no more
but i can't
i don't want to disturb my roommate


it's like i can hear him calling
that distinctive voice i knew so well
i just wish that when i heard it last time
that wednesday
i didn't take it so granted
with just a simple pat on his head
i left
not knowing
it would be the last time i see him

i wish he would somehow be in my dream
may Allah show to me and people who love him
especially Mama
that he's happy in His other world
that he'safe
that he's content
or even better
than when he was in our care


i didn't regret
crying for him
for the memories
for the happy times
i just regret
i didn't love him more
than i did
though i may have did
i wish it to be more
than i did

i'm heartbroken
that he went away too early
in that way
even Mama didn't know she'd be seeing him for the last time
the night before when she went away on Saturday
but i know Papa is doing the right thing
hiding him, as soon as he discovered him
because he knew too well
she would cry even harder
remember even better of the sight
of his lifeless body
so he let it be a secret
until the Sunday morning
the morning it came to my knowledge


and Mimot lost her only brother/uncle

i will still cry
whenever i remember him
wherever he crossed my mind
because he's one of those special ones
who have special place in my heart


i just wish i love him more
i really did
i just wish i can hold him one more time
the carpet-like softness of 
his chest and stomach
to hold his long graceful tail
and pat that head

and to hear his voice again......




Sunday, 9 October 2011

1. ruffled audacity

Ana promptly stood up whe she heard her name being called, so as several of her classmates when their names were announced by the boy standing at the entrance door. He was holding a basket of cupcakes carefully put inside decorated lacy containers. 

"Annalisa?" he asked, so she nodded. He softly reached for one white cupcake residing in a container of black lace and many, many black hearts and put it her way. Ana slowly took it, with confusion and a wee bit of happiness. 

"This one is very special, in fact it's the most costly because everything is custom-requested by the sender. You're so lucky, he loves you so much." the boy said before attending to the others. He who? Who would've gone to this extent for me? Ana opened the lid to find one little note beside the cupcake. She opened it, as curiosity instructed her to. 

"You like black and white, i hope you'll enjoy this right.

N."

 Annalisa frowned, as the black clouds started appearing all over her mind. The vision appeared again in her mind. That smile. Those hands. The evil laugh. 

He's back.

And I must be gone.