of love and tears

when i'm sad, i like to cry
i just despise the headache that comes after it

i don't mind crying for a whole day
or all night long
because i know there's 
so much memories
so much regrets
so much love
for him
that now i can't reveal no more
but i can't
i don't want to disturb my roommate


it's like i can hear him calling
that distinctive voice i knew so well
i just wish that when i heard it last time
that wednesday
i didn't take it so granted
with just a simple pat on his head
i left
not knowing
it would be the last time i see him

i wish he would somehow be in my dream
may Allah show to me and people who love him
especially Mama
that he's happy in His other world
that he'safe
that he's content
or even better
than when he was in our care


i didn't regret
crying for him
for the memories
for the happy times
i just regret
i didn't love him more
than i did
though i may have did
i wish it to be more
than i did

i'm heartbroken
that he went away too early
in that way
even Mama didn't know she'd be seeing him for the last time
the night before when she went away on Saturday
but i know Papa is doing the right thing
hiding him, as soon as he discovered him
because he knew too well
she would cry even harder
remember even better of the sight
of his lifeless body
so he let it be a secret
until the Sunday morning
the morning it came to my knowledge


and Mimot lost her only brother/uncle

i will still cry
whenever i remember him
wherever he crossed my mind
because he's one of those special ones
who have special place in my heart


i just wish i love him more
i really did
i just wish i can hold him one more time
the carpet-like softness of 
his chest and stomach
to hold his long graceful tail
and pat that head

and to hear his voice again......

1. ruffled audacity

Ana promptly stood up whe she heard her name being called, so as several of her classmates when their names were announced by the boy standing at the entrance door. He was holding a basket of cupcakes carefully put inside decorated lacy containers. 

"Annalisa?" he asked, so she nodded. He softly reached for one white cupcake residing in a container of black lace and many, many black hearts and put it her way. Ana slowly took it, with confusion and a wee bit of happiness. 

"This one is very special, in fact it's the most costly because everything is custom-requested by the sender. You're so lucky, he loves you so much." the boy said before attending to the others. He who? Who would've gone to this extent for me? Ana opened the lid to find one little note beside the cupcake. She opened it, as curiosity instructed her to. 

"You like black and white, i hope you'll enjoy this right.

N."

 Annalisa frowned, as the black clouds started appearing all over her mind. The vision appeared again in her mind. That smile. Those hands. The evil laugh. 

He's back.

And I must be gone.

   

scattered leaves

yesterday i went to The Summit USJ to pursue my usual weekend activities with Mr. R. one of our pit-stop included cinema, so we picked this horror movie titled "Al-Hijab" directed-cum-starred by Pierre Andre. ( actually, i'm not a fan of horror + supernatural movies, judging from my overloaded illusion and fear of baseless fear ) 

and for a Malay movie, actually it was not that bad ( though almost in all the frightening moment i had half of my view blocked by my purse ) and added with my favoritism towards Pierre Andre, it was quite worthwhile. 

as you can google, this movie is about a committed new actor who is going to act in a horror movie. being too much into acting, he was dying to get the feeling of seeing ghost, because he himself had never seen one, and never feel afraid towards 'em. so he tried to get help to open his 'hijab' so that he can see things residing on the other dimension. he did. and it's not a pretty sight.

i just love the new actor acting as Pierre's lover, which i have forgotten her name now. she seems so experienced. she's not stiff like some other actresses who are hired-to-act-based-on-looks-ONLY. 

off topic,

me : Pierre's so good-looking!

Mr. R : so is Farid Kamil.

me : Pierre is 'good guy' kind of good-looking, the other one is 'playboy' kind of good-looking....

Mr. R : oh...

LOL

 

he said

he said i'm the kind of person who are not much likely to start a physical fight. that i'm one of those who will just shut their mouth and let life flow on its course without their voice ever heard again.

perhaps i am, but i'm also a moving time bomb at times. a little aggravation can make me explode.