Sunday, 13 November 2016

Imgur Secret Santa 2016!

I participated in Imgur Secret Santa 2015.
I got a generous SS.
It was Sharon from US and she gave me a buttload of edibles, stockings and toys.
which leads to endless scrolling to check the halal status of the edibles

actually I felt a bit guilty 
because I only give like, a fuckin book to the other person.

*so this year
to save me from tears
i'll give something more special*

so I just signed up for Secret Santa 2016
and I would like to put in a bit more effort
in my gift
to make up for last year

wow the excitement of being a part of this is amah-zing!

Thursday, 3 November 2016

new audio-related thingy purchase

well, not so new. more like, last week. 

so when i stepped onto the bus platform, my hands were already gouging for the earphones, it's almost automatic. so you can imagine the panic, and how the light went out in my eyes when i discovered the compartment was FUCKING EMPTY.

i called my mother, asked her to look for it in the car. although it's not with me, but at least i can be assured that it's safe, somewhere. but noooo, it's nowhere to be found. the last image of it that i can remember is i put it on the shotgun seat, and then *poof* it's black. i really should get my brain checked soon

so, frustrated, i board the bus, and spent the next four friggin' hours in the soul-numbing boredom, and i thanked god that the baby in the bus didn't cry of anything. which was kinda amazing, actually. kudos, little guy's parents.

i had to get a new pair for the journey back home. so i went to the sony outlet in ioi mall, and get this, they were having 10% discount! yay!

so, i got this.

though the split second after i made the purchase, i instantly regret choosing the white one. well i thought it's nice to have some changes (the previous ones were black) but then i remembered the white ones get stained too easily

and the black ones actually looked cooler! self-reminder: whatever earphone you buy after this, choose black! 

and the sound quality is amazing. i can't hear people talking to me after i put it in. i'm a happy camper.

that's all for now.

still hurts

the most superficial thing

is what broke the camel's fucking back

Wednesday, 2 November 2016

hit me like a mothertrucking punch

yesterday was a bad

i just couldn't stop



all the "what if's" and "should have's" are killing me

i feel like giving up

what if i let it all go?

what if all these are not meant to be?

what if it's all in my fucking head?

what if i'm torturing myself with what will never be?

but it's too late, ain't it?

my wings already clipped

it would take years

before i can even contemplate

the possibility of 

getting off the ground for the first time;

the sweet fear of unknowing


a possibility


a possibility

Friday, 28 October 2016

tk moments

so i was drawing, and it came to me that the smallest stroke can bring the biggest difference. it's almost amazing.

these past months, i've been reminded of tim and kay.

i've doodled here and there.

written something here and there.

the stories are fractured segments all over my head. i never even bothered to mend the cracks and shatters worn by time, and it has been 12 years.

maybe it's time.

i've always envisioned tim as your usual blond-haired, blue-eyes boy. 

but kay. with his green eyes, i thought shades of brown hair would fit in just fine. but i haven't found a good shade so for now i'm using black. this kinda makes him looks like hero from tvxq when he still have his black long locks *squeal*

lyrics of This Town by Niall Horan

'Cause if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you

it's a sweet and soothing song about lost love

that's all for now

Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Blue Hair

so recently i was chatting with a student and the topic of personas came up. i remember telling him about the origin of my persona's blue hair.

when in reality i myself had forgotten where it came from

and the only character with blue hair that came across my mind at that time was hatsune miku. so that's what i told him. my blue hair came from this celebrity.

but i felt uneasy. why in the world would i choose to be inspired by her? it's not like i was ever be infatuated with her. she was okay, some songs i like here and there. nothing too special.

just now, i was booting up my pc. and only then i fucking remembered.

i took the idea of the blue hair not from miku, but from this girl. i adored her character, because like me, she was a fangirl with much better drawing skill (goddammit) and i can relate so much with her because of that.

she's still the profile picture for my various emails, and my pc i'll wait for my skin to clear up and 40 pounds weight loss before i use my real picture in everything

Monday, 24 October 2016

The Episode That Broke Me

shout out to my dear ho who accompanied me watching the premiere of Season 7 of The Walking Dead

nevertheless, i felt broken inside

  • when he killed Glenn right in front of Maggie

  • when Maggie insisted to bring the body

  • when Daryl was thrown into the van

so, this is how i'm gonna spend the rest of my night 

#ifdarylfuckingdiesimgonnafuckingstopwatchingthisfuckingshowandneverfuckinglookthefuckback #comeoncomeondontleavemelikethis #ithoughtihadyoufiguredout #somethingsgoneterriblywrongyourealliwanted

Friday, 21 October 2016

Halloween is coming!

To be honest, I really like Halloween. 

Tell me one fucking local celebration where we got to dress up as something we're not. 


Sometimes I just want to be someone I'm not. Or to really be who I am, the version I gotta hide for the sake of everything. 

The Internet is not enough.

And also trick and treating. CANDIES! CHOCOLATES! Given for free, dammit! Why don't we have it here?? Though to be honest I don't really like kids. I might be one of those who plan elaborate tricks to make em scared and run crying. *snicker*

This might be too early for the upcoming Halloween, but I did do something. I may not be able to dress up due to my body, my conscience, and my culture, but at least I can create something to represent what I wanted.


Maybe a close up.

I was inspired by an Imgur post for this make up style. It was quite messy, and I didn't know what to do with the body! Omg that's totally what a murderer would say. So I just ended up drawing the head.

I don't know why, but I really like it. Maybe because it's a deviation from things that I like to draw? Well, it IS my first time drawing a Halloween-themed girl. 

This could be my personal tradition. 

Thursday, 20 October 2016

Pre Order UK : Munchies and Other Stuff

SO and I have been wanting to taste Dr. Pepper since we saw it in American Horror Story 4. I searched for it at Nu Sentral and some other imported stuff market but luck wasn't on my side.


So then I saw this personal shopper page is taking orders for groceries. At first I was 'meh' coz I heard people commented that European Dr Pepper doesn't taste the same as its American siblings.


This is the turning point. I'm praying that by 'original' they mean it's from US production. So I went and ordered it.

But being a foodie, I can't just waste a whole order for a fucken bottle of soft drink, right? Yes sir, I bought some other things.

Yes I'm crazy about chocolate. 

And the last thing I got is a bottle of British pickle. I was actually looking for the normal pickle but I couldn't stand the thought of holding the wrinkled cucumber to cut it into thin slices *shivers* so I looked at the other options.

Apparently British pickles are different from the usual pickle. They eat it with cheese sandwich. Which is different from how I like my normal pickles 1. in the middle of a burger 2. hot dog bun + mayonnaise + sausage.

Well, it's a chance to try new things, so I figured 'why not?'

That's all I ordered this time. Apparently the ETA is in January so that's a long wait, but I'm not rushing or anything.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016


it's 12.49 a.m. and i'm perusing this old blog. i can't sleep.

it has been nearly 3, THREE fucken years since I last posted anything in here. wow. that's a long hiatus.

so i am working now, believe it or not as a teacher. *smirk* well i did tooken fucking TESL so that's very well expected. 

married for 2 years and several months. 

in the process of buying our first house. 

still living with my parents, with SO in other state.

that summed up the changes / development in the three year hiatus of this blog. 

actually, i had set up another blog, but then i go back here. go down the memory lane and though 'wow there's so much of me here, i can't be just leave em here' what the hell was i actually thinking when i created another blog? how bout i just use what i have now?

yes, that's what i'm doing.


oh, actually i just wanted to post something about a drawing.
so since I started working, i have been drawing less and less, to the point 'they all ain't coming back to me now' a.k.a. i've forgotten about how to do everything.

so i have to start back from the beginning.

and i intend to sharpen my digital drawing skills a bit, coz, even after a dear friend gave me a Wacom tablet, i just used it kinda sparingly. 

nope nope nope nope. i MUST use it to draw because i'm sick of wasting papers :(

note the regression of the quality compared to the drawing before 'the hiatus'

so this is a bit more life-like compared to the cartoonish style i favored before, so maybe that also explains the low quality. heh. 

excuses, excuses.

anyway i take the inspiration from a pic of Emily Ratajkowski i found online. but the picture i drew ended up having 2% resemblance to the original picture T_T

man, that girl the real one, not my drawing is hot like the burning sun. 

that's all for now