just something i watched from shane dawson. and my realization. funny how i can get realization from a video of a im-dead-if-i-dont-curse-for-one-minute drag queen. ok. despite what i say in the previous sentence, i love shane. and shanaynay :P

Shanaynay : So, what's your problem?

Aaron : Well, my family hates me, my friends hate me, i don't have a girlfriend. And i have a fatal disease that's gonna kill me in the next 10 years.

Shanaynay : Oh my God!

Aaron : I know...

Shanaynay : Not you! Someone brought Rice Krispie Treats into the office and didn't offer me any. Girl, you better bring them over before i cut your ass!

Aaron : So what should I do?

Shanaynay : You gotta stop being a bitch.

Aaron : What?

Shanaynay : Listen, the reason people hate your ass's coz you're complaining all the time. Crying about your diseases. "It hurts. My organs are bleeding. I can't poop because coz there's a tumor covering my butthole." Your friends don't give a shit, doctors dont give a shit. The only person that gives a shit is Jesus. Did you bitch to him? 

Aaron : Well, I guess not.

Shanaynay : Well, there you go, go bitch to him instead of bitching to everybody else. 

the above conversation is an exact copy from his video, and i hope nobody would get offended by it. all i wanna say is, though it's harsh and connected to other religion, this part of the video kinda remind me that i am alone in this world. i may have my parents, siblings , friends and that special friend who may care , but eventually it's ME that's looking after myself. i have a lot in my mind, especially in this stressful time, and because i just dont know where to let it out. this blog is one way. and the other one is by confessing to Allah. i usually ended my prayer with my own usual du'a that it has become so familiar that i kinda lose grasp that actually Allah is the only one that i can be honest with my fears, my feelings, my insecurities and my melancholy. But now i get the concept back. It's not the 'bitching' concept like Shanaynay said, but for me, in this real life, it's more to opening yourself up, be honest to Allah about what you feel, what you're afraid of, and what's bothering you. Next step is working it out to get the result you really want. And hope for the best :)