i could still remembered the tear-stricken face i saw on the mirror that day. i never thought emotional frenzy could be so bad; i was crying like mad, i inflicted bloodless pain onto myself and all the negative thoughts are rushing into my mind, along with the loneliness creeping behind. i had nowhere to go, nobody to run to. friends are not people i want to burden with my nonsense, they have had enough with their besties and themselves. parents are out of question, i'd like them to think i'm worrying over assignments and task, not sobbing about endless negative thoughts. and i remembered i still have that one person in my life.
i reached for the phone.
he was all smiles, waiting for the train for hometown, and i felt guilty bringing my heartache up on his face. but he was a good friend. he said to me "your heart is yours. it's inside your own body. no one can hurt it without your approval." it's like waking up from a nightmare. he said it several times, like a mantra in between our conversation, along with some other things. and at the end of it, i feel a lot more better than i would have been if i sat at the corner of the bathroom crying to myself.
writing this piece, i feel like like crying again. i wasn't fully recovered from the wound, and i'm not much stronger than i was on that day, but i'll try.