gloomy day poem, c'est moi

It’s dark out there

Clouds-a-swirling

Winds-a-twirling

Rains-a-pouring

Suns-a-hiding

But it’s okay

Inside this car

We’re safe

Hidden

Warm

You

&

I

Dante

"Sometimes it's best to just let go of the past. Literally. You know, like, just go somewhere else. Somewhere people don't know you, and you don't know them. A place where your past won't matter to you." Dante mumbled as he stared at the open sea before us. I watched the wind blew his dark brown hair, the strands covering up the sad glimmer apparent in his eyes just seconds before.

"Is it? Is that what you're doing now? Running away from your problematic past?" He laughed at my question, promptly turning his dark pools towards mine. I stared back, challenging him to answer. 

"My past was not problematic. It was rather... bland, if I must say. I came from American dream family, white picket fence and all, you know. I'm grateful for that, but I felt like something was missing...." He paused, taking a handful of the dry sand, letting them slipped through his fingers bit by bit. His silence was getting to me, wearing down my already thin patience.

"And here you are? This small fisherman village across the world, of all place? To search the missing piece?" I joined him, playing around with the white sand, writing our names together. Dante grinned as he started adding little details to our names. Hearts, starts, little animals. It was minutes before he answered.

" I've been to many places. This is just one of the stops. I don't even know where I'll be next week." He turned to me and brushed the golden strands away from my face, our eyes meeting for the nth time.  

"Take me with you, Dante? To the lowest of hell, the hardest of purgatory, the highest of heaven... I'd rather be with you than just left, you know, alone." 

"Though I really appreciate you Divine Comedy reference, but life out there is just that, you know. Sometimes, it's really hard, could be really interesting, may be really painful. You're a gentle soul, and it will press you even more being out there than just staying here, Lem, for now."  

"Wait it out. For your heart to harden a bit, and by then I'll come back to take you with me." He patted my shoulder, ever so gently, with a weak smile on his handsome face. 

I nodded meekly, as bit by bit Dante started to disappear into thin air. His last touch remained warm on my bare shoulder, his last smile embedded on my brain. 

Someday. 

Someday I'll be good enough for him to take me out there.  

beginning of sleepless ER night

tonight, i went to Sup Meletup at Bandar Sri Permaisuri for the second time.

and of course, i had two bowls of soup AGAIN, and this time i opt for 
i) sup daging
ii) sup perut

this time they separate the sauce so that we can adjust the spiciness of the soup. of course, i keep on adding the sauce till my soup take on some kind of reddish hue with added viscosity.

best soup i ever had. 

next time, i have to remember the road so that mr.f can take me there :P

and thank god, i successfully managed to fight against the temptation of nasi goreng kampung. probably coz i only bring rm12 with me. rm10 for the soup, and rm2 for the iced milk tea. 

(i'm really sorry for my insulin level and ketosis, but iced milk tea is not something that mere resolution can fight off)  

but in the end, it doesn't matter, coz someone actually planned to give us a treat! XD thanks to Humairah, my beloved roommate. hahaha

and woot for Julia for the idea to go there, and Iqram for the short preach on hadith and Amrican accent, and his petrol.

:)

p/s: i thought of taking some pictures because i want to blog about the trip this time, but... but... hunger wins, as ALWAYS.

light rant

yours are just  faces that'll disappear in a year

there's no point getting invested emotionally

to some people who i know will forget me too

#excusemybluntness #icanwriteanythingitsmyfuckingblog

#fuckidontneedthis #acquaintancesarenotfriends

good?

i know i'm never good enough for them.

they're beautiful, creative, artsy : everything i'm not

i guess i'll just get through this shit

coz i know someday i'll look back 

and say

"wow, that's one shitty semester. and a lot of shitty courses, and even fucking made-in-inferno-level-shitty ONE useless "T" course!"

(i guess the "T" means turd. yeah. useless, and tiring to even think as you've gotta clean the mess. like shit.)

my future self will thank me for getting through this.... you guessed it: shit.

i just want to leave this university.

i'm sick of her sneer, her insults, and her very good acting of being nice to me. when i know she doesn't even like me.

people like her breaks me. 

and the sooner i leave this university, the sooner i'll get rid of her. 

also,

i 

hope 

whoever 

the 

fuck 

put 

"the T" in TESL rot in hell.

Tim & Kay

I could stay awake just to hear you breathingWatch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

aerosmith 'dont wanna miss a thing'

when i was in lower secondary, i really liked creating stories in my head. of course, being me, there were drawings, and even written stories of the tale i weaved inside my head.

alas, i had lost all those precious pages. but one story stick with me.

the first story i ever written in English.

i still have some drawings of the main characters; tim and kay. yes, at the age of twenty-two i still could dreamily dream about dreaming of these guys i had in my head when i was fourteen.

and sometimes i drew them from memory, like they are two long-lost brothers.

creepy, i know. 

they are two guys, and that was why whatever i wrote about them i put under the 'confidential' tag 

(i was grateful my little sister still couldn't read in English well at that time). 

well, it was confidential to everyone except a best friend who knew about my obsession with shounen-ai and whatnot. she didnt thought anything weird about me. so i shared this part of me with her. 

thinking back, i am really freaked out. even now i couldn't write shit. imagine what kind of crap i was writing when i was fourteen. oh well... sorry BF.

what drove me to write about two guys, you say? did the yellow culture caught me up real bad then? hmm.... i gotta say i wasn't an advocate of something like that (i knew the limit) but at that time i was 'accidentally' exposed to creative writing produced by... these group of people. and these stories just kinda caught hold of me. i was head over heels with the love stories (i was a romantic then, and pretty much a sarcastic now). 

and POW i came across shounen-ai pages. that's like putting pictorial meaning to a vocabulary i just learned. 

the rest was history

anyway, the song above

i can relate very much to tim and kay. 

their love

that was how i imagine 'love' would be

 when i was young and naive. 

that it was soft and pleasant

never rage and never force

and it never fails

but growing up, i lost sight of that meaning of love

all i can see is how much evil can come from it

how much sadness it can cause

how it can broke into million shattered pieces

i really hope that i can feel that kind of love

the kind of love

when tim looked at kay when he was asleep

and kissed his forehead

yes, that kind of love

Marceline, the Vampire Princess

Marceline is one of my favourite characters from Adventure Time. 

(Actually I kinda like everyone in the series, except the Lemon Guy who keeps yelling in that annoying voice.)

I was kinda blown away by the fact that vampires in the series don't actually consume blood, but rather they suck the color of red from anything that are... well, red.

I'm still fascinated by that trivia until now. 

Well, the drawing is not my favourite, though. Marceline's back is kinda flat, the posture is weird, and I could use a lot of help in the hands construction.

Since there's no friends' scanner to be used, I used CamScanner app. It actually works quite well. I'm considering to buy the full version.