Tim & Kay

I could stay awake just to hear you breathingWatch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

aerosmith 'dont wanna miss a thing'

when i was in lower secondary, i really liked creating stories in my head. of course, being me, there were drawings, and even written stories of the tale i weaved inside my head.

alas, i had lost all those precious pages. but one story stick with me.

the first story i ever written in English.

i still have some drawings of the main characters; tim and kay. yes, at the age of twenty-two i still could dreamily dream about dreaming of these guys i had in my head when i was fourteen.

and sometimes i drew them from memory, like they are two long-lost brothers.

creepy, i know. 

they are two guys, and that was why whatever i wrote about them i put under the 'confidential' tag 

(i was grateful my little sister still couldn't read in English well at that time). 

well, it was confidential to everyone except a best friend who knew about my obsession with shounen-ai and whatnot. she didnt thought anything weird about me. so i shared this part of me with her. 

thinking back, i am really freaked out. even now i couldn't write shit. imagine what kind of crap i was writing when i was fourteen. oh well... sorry BF.

what drove me to write about two guys, you say? did the yellow culture caught me up real bad then? hmm.... i gotta say i wasn't an advocate of something like that (i knew the limit) but at that time i was 'accidentally' exposed to creative writing produced by... these group of people. and these stories just kinda caught hold of me. i was head over heels with the love stories (i was a romantic then, and pretty much a sarcastic now). 

and POW i came across shounen-ai pages. that's like putting pictorial meaning to a vocabulary i just learned. 

the rest was history

anyway, the song above

i can relate very much to tim and kay. 

their love

that was how i imagine 'love' would be

 when i was young and naive. 

that it was soft and pleasant

never rage and never force

and it never fails

but growing up, i lost sight of that meaning of love

all i can see is how much evil can come from it

how much sadness it can cause

how it can broke into million shattered pieces

i really hope that i can feel that kind of love

the kind of love

when tim looked at kay when he was asleep

and kissed his forehead

yes, that kind of love