of love and tears

when i'm sad, i like to cry
i just despise the headache that comes after it

i don't mind crying for a whole day
or all night long
because i know there's 
so much memories
so much regrets
so much love
for him
that now i can't reveal no more
but i can't
i don't want to disturb my roommate


it's like i can hear him calling
that distinctive voice i knew so well
i just wish that when i heard it last time
that wednesday
i didn't take it so granted
with just a simple pat on his head
i left
not knowing
it would be the last time i see him

i wish he would somehow be in my dream
may Allah show to me and people who love him
especially Mama
that he's happy in His other world
that he'safe
that he's content
or even better
than when he was in our care


i didn't regret
crying for him
for the memories
for the happy times
i just regret
i didn't love him more
than i did
though i may have did
i wish it to be more
than i did

i'm heartbroken
that he went away too early
in that way
even Mama didn't know she'd be seeing him for the last time
the night before when she went away on Saturday
but i know Papa is doing the right thing
hiding him, as soon as he discovered him
because he knew too well
she would cry even harder
remember even better of the sight
of his lifeless body
so he let it be a secret
until the Sunday morning
the morning it came to my knowledge


and Mimot lost her only brother/uncle

i will still cry
whenever i remember him
wherever he crossed my mind
because he's one of those special ones
who have special place in my heart


i just wish i love him more
i really did
i just wish i can hold him one more time
the carpet-like softness of 
his chest and stomach
to hold his long graceful tail
and pat that head

and to hear his voice again......