my own fairy tale. but it's not the tale of love.

Dean turned to me with his smile, his hands waving the cinema tickets in front of me. I smiled as i handed him his box of favourite caramel popcorn and the compulsory mountain dew code red. As for me, as long as i have the 'smuggled' pretty little doughnuts i bought earlier in my coat and a big cup of steaming chocolate drink, our weekly date in the cinema couldn't be better.

Damn.

Who knew action movie can be so touching? And it was about betrayal. Team betrayal. Shit shit shit. I just can't contain myself from remembering this week's event, which sucks like hell. The whole group of girls whom i thought were my best friends ditched me. Not even one come to at least ask how i was doing. Those skanks...

But... no matter how big of suckers they are, i just can't hold back the anger. the disappointment. And the dreaded tears. They just came in involuntary waves that i totally have no power onto.

That was when i felt someone's hand held me. Dean's. He held my shoulders and kissed top of my head. 

"I know.." he whispered in midst of the deafening bombs and helicopter sounds. I continued to cry, leaning more into his warm embrace for support and i don't know, the love i crave from a friend. 

At this moment, i couldn't be happier that my path crossed Dean's , with him ended up being the most reliable, loving and loyal friend i ever have. Without all the unnecessary drama.

siofra, my little elf, what's behind your solemn frown?

when we were in the third grade, siofra once told me that her name simply means 'elf'. i guess her name applied to her petite and lean physique. on her 18th birthday, i can hold her up no problem, and i did. for 30 minutes, giving her a piggy back ride around the party venue which is my own summer house. oh, the only people attending was us, which kinda let us do any crazy thing we intended.

when i first met siofra, she was quiet and cross. a pretty little girl who would snap without warning. everyone in the class had a silent agreement that they would ignore her, but i just can't. because i was few months back anew student too, and i knew how lonely it could be before the whole class would slowly warm up to me.

it was hard at the beginning. she snapped at me, pushed me away and did every thing possible to make me hate her. i was going to give up, but suddenly she opened up to me. she told me she was bullied in her effort to make friends, and consequently she became hesitant to believe people's sincerety. 

in the end we become best friend, but i still can't keep away her automatic frown which appear when other people are present. i guess she still had issues with trusting people, so she took the shortcut of not having connection with on at all. 

i just want people to know that behind her mean frown was a kind and frail young woman  who was stuck in bad childhood experience.

another (counting in my head) maybe around 20 days i'll be off to uni, leaving this helluva relaxing, non-productive heavenly life i'm having at this moment

i drew the  illustration below, and have no idea what to write about it. previously i make some kind of fiction revolving 'em, and... maybe this time too. 

Fasha promptly sat on the huge luggage once she had her last piece of clothes forced into it. It was a lot of struggle, physically she was fighting with the pressure of the piles of clothes inside the luggage, and mentally, she was torn between her necessity of going and her wanting to stay. 

Yes, the offer to go to the elite school with scholarship coming to middle-class-family student like her was rare. She ought to grasp the chance and use it to fully cultivate her development as a useful daughter, society member and citizen. And let's not forget the bright future she would be having. 

But Fasha knew all too well, that it would mean that she had to leave her life in high school. Her friends, her best friends. Her ... crush. Khairul Ezreen. They only met at school and she have no idea where he lived, although she had stalked him for, like, two years. Yes, this transfer means she would have to somehow 'erase' him from her mind because she would lost him in real life.

Damn.

Fasha yelled as loud as she could , pouring out her anger and dissatisfaction of all things that she would lose, that night. Doesn't matter because she was home alone. She knew she could yell and scream as she liked.

But what she didn't know was that she was wasting her voice and saliva when her rambles came to the part about Ezreen. Because he did get the very same offer she got. 

And most probably, things will get much better for her in their new school. At least, Ezreen was hoping so when he appealed to the elite school's board member who happened to be his uncle for both of their names to be chosen for the next batch.

     

when everything seems so dull

Winnie looked at me with her puppy eyes, again. The kind of stare that she knows I had no power against. Yes, I'm already melting onto the floor, eventhough I was raging just seconds before. Raging about the chaos in the kitchen from her innocent trial to recreate the cookies I made last weekend. 

I put my coat and handbag on the coach before holding her close. And a hesitant glance towards the kitchen vicinity. Damn. Suddenly Winnie pulled herself away from me and ran to the coffee table. Oh my, even in my subsided anger, I totally can't deny her cuteness with that somewhat frilly-ly gothic dress she had on at that time. 

She came back to me with a plate of pretty big brown cookies, with hardened icing of little pink loves on them. She nodded at me. And I took it, and bite into it a little. Woah. 

"See, I told you there's no harm in letting her to be in the kitchen for a day. Delicious, right? It's because *I* help her, " Michael said smugly from where he was standing. 

"Oh yeah? And because of that, YOU are the one who's gonna help me clear the mess, okay?" Michael shook his head with his hands up; he acquiesced. I turned my attention back to Winnie. "Now, it's time for bed. I'm gonna keep the cookies so that you can bring some of them to school tomorrow okay? Let me send you to our bedroom, and after that mom had to do something with Uncle Mike and..." I lost track when I see Samuel lying unconscious in front of his bedroom door. ".... and figure what the heck is going on with Uncle Sam. Ok, honey, come, I'll let you wear your favourite pyjama for the wonderful cookies you made." Winnie happily went to bed.

   

in the midst of inescapable darkness

Sofia woke up as soon as the alarm started going off. She went through her usual morning routine; taking a bath, dressing up and going downstairs for breakfast. On the way down she collected her schoolbag before carefully walking down the stairs.

"Morning, honey. I've got you bread with butter spread and some batter-fried chicken slices. And your favourite ceasar salad. Also there's leftover rice krispies from yesterday. All on the table. And I gotta go now, early meeting today. Dont bother locking the door, the maid will arrive about the time you leave." Sofia was greeted with that voice as soon as she got into the kitchen. She smiled, and told him to take care of himself before heading straight to the table.

She ate her breakfast slowly. And was suddenly alarmed that it was her father's birthday. Her sole guardian and beloved after her mother run away from home in the search of life beyond marriage. 

Sofia bite her lips. If only she can see, she would be able up pick out beautiful things to be given to him, so he would be happy. And feel loved, just the way he made her feel all these years. 

If only...

 

pretty pretty boy i love you

It was a windy evening and Layla was enjoying her quiet time on the cloth-covered floor with Eitch and Plum. As usual, Plum was keen on keeping his eyes on Eitch. 

Layla smiled when her favourite song by M2M was aired on the radio. 'Pretty boy, huh? Do we really need to be pretty, beautiful or attractive to be loved by anyone else?'

She thought for a while, and remembered that she herself was dumped because she wasn't pretty enough to be the girlfriend of the athlete of the school, Ryan. 

She thought again and remembered that her affection for Danny, the freckled and thick-spectacled boy in her driving class was barely based on looks. He treat her much better than the other guys; like another human being, not just a potential hook up.

Layla smiled. 'At least i'm not one of those people who love others based solely on their physical beauty.'
 

rare is true love, but true friendship is even rarer

Liyana poured cold fresh milk into two glasses, completing the breakfast set of that day; chicken omelette and blueberry pancakes... and milk. She carefully carried the tray to the living room. He was watching some anime on TV intently, until the smell of freshly made pancakes disturbed his attention. He paused it and went to her. Or rather to his meal.

"Mama... I wonder. Is the people in these shows are different from the real people?" 

"What made you say that?"

"These people, it's like friends are everything to them. They cherish friendship as if it's something so precious... they even willing to die for it. But in my life.... My friends... It's nothing like that. You see, some would betray others. Some would left their friends for their weaknesses. Some would ditch their friends because they find better ones."

Liyana looked at Hazry with unknown expression. A bit of amazement. A bit of disbelief. And some sadness. At such age he was thinking of that, when his friend are all wondering how to get their hands on the next porn.

"So what should I be? The ones in the anime or the ones I saw in real life? I'm confused mom. To be too faithful, I'm scared that in the end *I* would be the one hurt. But I don't want to be a jerk too. And I don't want to be lonely, too...."

Liyana swallowed her last bite of blueberry pancake and looked at Hazry. "I don't know. seriously. Though I'm your mother, it doesn't mean I know everything. Hazry, let me tell you. I suck in this department. I often cried and whined when all the drama of friendship went into my head. But you know what your father said? Don't get too close with anyone. He told me family is the priority. i can't say I agree 100% with his suggestion, but it did clear some sh*t out of my head."

"It's not like you can't have a best friend. Or several. But true friendship is very rare, hon. Even rarer than true love."

 

is endless forever?

Diana stirred up slowly as the sound of crowd woke her up. She sat on her bed as she peeked outward the window. The workers were getting ready as the bakery will open in thirty minutes. Already the smell of fresh bread and scones lingered its way into her room. Diana held her grumbling stomach, thinking it's the cons of having one's house located exactly inside a large bakery.

"Are you still thinking about him?" The sudden voice lead her sight to the young man standing at the door. Diana shook her head and smiled at him. The ever caring brother, Daniel.  He just got back from three days trip to Quel City accompanying the workers buying the world's best flour.

"Those weeks I did missed him endlessly."

"I think there was no light in your eyes."

"I'm sorry, Daniel. But I realize now, he won't be coming back no matter how much I yearn for him..."

Diana stood up and hugged him.

"...And endless doesn't mean forever." 

i am.erica

"saya erika."

i nodded with a smile. stood before me was what you would call a typical tak sedar diri urban malay girl. beautiful, with the aid of mass of gunk on her face. tight red blouse and white skirt so short i can just stoop a little and get a bit sneak peek i hope.. ok, jk. i'm straight. her hair was a colorful combination of gold, dark gold and black. not pretty, coz the black roots shows the whole gold thing is fake. bummer. i guess she missed her last appointment in the hair saloon.

'saya erika'

'i am erika'

'i am erica'

she is indeed.

"something's wrong with my face?" she asked, slight apprehensiveness on her expression. demm. i was carried away with my thoughts again. 

"no,no. saya sarah." she smiled. 

"cantik skirt," she said to me. my favourite plaid one, of course it's nice. it's comfy and short enough, suitable for this country's hot weather.

ahh... another sweet little americanized girl. guess i find my partner in this new college.

:)

     

peanut cookies

     "What's with all these heads-down thing? Look at me," Hazry said as his hands tugged the girl's chin upwards. A wide grin appeared on his face as soon as he understood what was going on. Just like a little pearl, a pimple was growing in the middle of Aryssa's forehead, which considering the girl's flawless skin, would bring much  attention to the little 'gem'.

     "It's Abang Kimi's fault.  He brought home this delicious peanut cookies, and I just can't resist..." Aryssa commented with a cute little pout, which made Hazry chuckled.

     "You know even with zits like that all over your face, you would still be the cutest girl I've ever found." 

     "No way."

     "You think I go for looks? Okay, I did when choosing my favourite actress. But when it's someone that I would have to spend time under this cherry tree with, talking with her for hours, sharing my present and past with her, I want someone lovable, just the way you are now."

recess time

     "You're coming with me?" Aryssa shook her head with a smile as she showed Diana the two boxes of lunch on her table. Diana grinned, she understood well the meaning of the happy face the girl was putting on to display. She waved and walked out of the classroom,and promptly bumped into someone just outside the door.

     "Aryssa's not with you?" Haikal asked with slight apprehensiveness on his face.

     "Lunch date in class today, I guess." Diana answered. She could have sworn Haikal's kind smile turn into a pathetic fake grimace the exact moment he interpreted her words. Diana continued her journey to the canteen, with an additional thing in her head.

     

     "Haikal likes Aryssa? He knows well Aryssa and Hazry has something going on, everyone in school knows that. Why would he risk his affection?" 

wedding dress

I walked into the laundry shop with fast stride, handed the receipt to the worker and stood against the counter as he went into the room to fetch my dress. Some moments later, he walked to the counter and handed me the wedding dress.

     

     "That's a beautiful one, Mrs. Lee." he commented while I searched for bills in my purse. I shook my head as I gave him the bills. 

     

     "Indeed. But, I'm no longer Mrs. Lee." He promptly looked up at me with blank expression.

     

      "Excuse me?"

     

     "This dress lasted in this shop longer than my marriage," I said nonchalantly before disappearing behind the doors. I didn't even have the will to cry about my failing marriage. I just wanted to get through with life, after love failed me, hard. 

first crush

     "I can't believe that you're still head over heels for him after two frigging years, Risa. How much longer do you plan to waste your youth?" ZAPP!! Rina's words could really break my heart if I didn't know her that well. But, she's right. Even I didn't understand myself sometimes. What's so special about Daniel Tan that made me became so infatuated with him? Sure, he's good looking, but there's aplenty of beautiful boys in our school; they literally flooded the place in daily basis. He's good in sports, tennis especially; but before I met him, I was never really into those people. He's so out of my league, I got it; but I was trapped in my own feelings. I held Rina's hands and shook my head. 

    

     "Please... Just let me be..." God, I must sound so pathetic. I'm sorry Rina, I may be wasting my time playing with my dreams, but this is what I wanted.

teacher's day

     "Um... are you sure about this? I mean... if you're busy or something..." Aryssa stuttered as she kept on walking with Hazry by her side. They were taking slow strides, because after all it's Teacher's day and every human being present at school was too busy amusing themselves. No one would bug them, and they took comfort in that. 

     

     "What's the place again?" Hazry flashed a look at her, which promptly made her cheeks reddened yet again.

     

     "The new deli. Pyon Cafe? I heard the crepe there is good...."

     

     "I'd like to try flan. Do they sell that thing?" Aryssa smiled. His positive response was hard to come by in such girlish things as sweets.

     

     "Un! I saw it in the flyer.... I... I'll make it my treat if you..."

    

     " NO. Let me. It's our first date after all." He nonchalantly said, as his right hand quickly found a way to pat the girls head gently. Such a childlike girl; how'd he be so lucky to have his dark, lonely path crossed with this angel?

ignorance hurts

"Why won't he like you? You're confident, beautiful, smart.... Hell, if I'm a guy, I'd definitely ask you out," Lisa mumbled in midst of my sobs. She carried on bitching about Hazri, that one guy who had been my happy charm, until he crushed my heart that very day. I definitely won't forgot how happy he was, chattering with Ain, our fellow classmate whom I knew had her eyes set on Hazri since forever. 

After all the signals and hints I've quietly directed at him. If only he understands. If only...