tk moments

so i was drawing, and it came to me that the smallest stroke can bring the biggest difference. it's almost amazing.

these past months, i've been reminded of tim and kay.

i've doodled here and there.

written something here and there.

the stories are fractured segments all over my head. i never even bothered to mend the cracks and shatters worn by time, and it has been 12 years.

maybe it's time.

i've always envisioned tim as your usual blond-haired, blue-eyes boy. 

but kay. with his green eyes, i thought shades of brown hair would fit in just fine. but i haven't found a good shade so for now i'm using black. this kinda makes him looks like hero from tvxq when he still have his black long locks *squeal*


lyrics of This Town by Niall Horan

'Cause if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you


it's a sweet and soothing song about lost love



that's all for now

The Episode That Broke Me

shout out to my dear ho who accompanied me watching the premiere of Season 7 of The Walking Dead

nevertheless, i felt broken inside

• when he killed Glenn right in front of Maggie
• 
  
• when Maggie insisted to bring the body
• 
  
• when Daryl was thrown into the van

so, this is how i'm gonna spend the rest of my night 

#ifdarylfuckingdiesimgonnafuckingstopwatchingthisfuckingshowandneverfuckinglookthefuckback #comeoncomeondontleavemelikethis #ithoughtihadyoufiguredout #somethingsgoneterriblywrongyourealliwanted

Halloween is coming!

To be honest, I really like Halloween. 

Tell me one fucking local celebration where we got to dress up as something we're not. 

Nada.

Sometimes I just want to be someone I'm not. Or to really be who I am, the version I gotta hide for the sake of everything. 

The Internet is not enough.

And also trick and treating. CANDIES! CHOCOLATES! Given for free, dammit! Why don't we have it here?? Though to be honest I don't really like kids. I might be one of those who plan elaborate tricks to make em scared and run crying. *snicker*

This might be too early for the upcoming Halloween, but I did do something. I may not be able to dress up due to my body, my conscience, and my culture, but at least I can create something to represent what I wanted.

 Ta-dah!

Maybe a close up.

I was inspired by an Imgur post for this make up style. It was quite messy, and I didn't know what to do with the body! Omg that's totally what a murderer would say. So I just ended up drawing the head.

I don't know why, but I really like it. Maybe because it's a deviation from things that I like to draw? Well, it IS my first time drawing a Halloween-themed girl. 

This could be my personal tradition. 

I'M BACK BITCHESSSS

it's 12.49 a.m. and i'm perusing this old blog. i can't sleep.

it has been nearly 3, THREE fucken years since I last posted anything in here. wow. that's a long hiatus.

so i am working now, believe it or not as a teacher. *smirk* well i did tooken fucking TESL so that's very well expected. 

married for 2 years and several months. 

in the process of buying our first house. 

still living with my parents, with SO in other state.

that summed up the changes / development in the three year hiatus of this blog. 

actually, i had set up another blog, but then i go back here. go down the memory lane and though 'wow there's so much of me here, i can't be just leave em here' what the hell was i actually thinking when i created another blog? how bout i just use what i have now?

yes, that's what i'm doing.

I'M BACK BITCHESSSSS

oh, actually i just wanted to post something about a drawing.
so since I started working, i have been drawing less and less, to the point 'they all ain't coming back to me now' a.k.a. i've forgotten about how to do everything.

so i have to start back from the beginning.

and i intend to sharpen my digital drawing skills a bit, coz, even after a dear friend gave me a Wacom tablet, i just used it kinda sparingly. 

nope nope nope nope. i MUST use it to draw because i'm sick of wasting papers :(

note the regression of the quality compared to the drawing before 'the hiatus'

so this is a bit more life-like compared to the cartoonish style i favored before, so maybe that also explains the low quality. heh. 

excuses, excuses.

anyway i take the inspiration from a pic of Emily Ratajkowski i found online. but the picture i drew ended up having 2% resemblance to the original picture T_T

man, that girl the real one, not my drawing is hot like the burning sun. 

that's all for now

blue is the warmest color - fanart

line's from

Hush Hush by Avril Lavigne

'Dope' is one of the song that can make me tear up

and somehow this particular line gets me

Marceline, the Vampire Princess

Marceline is one of my favourite characters from Adventure Time. 

(Actually I kinda like everyone in the series, except the Lemon Guy who keeps yelling in that annoying voice.)

I was kinda blown away by the fact that vampires in the series don't actually consume blood, but rather they suck the color of red from anything that are... well, red.

I'm still fascinated by that trivia until now. 

Well, the drawing is not my favourite, though. Marceline's back is kinda flat, the posture is weird, and I could use a lot of help in the hands construction.

Since there's no friends' scanner to be used, I used CamScanner app. It actually works quite well. I'm considering to buy the full version. 

coloring craze. when i finally understand the concept of layering in gimp. yep, bitch is slow learner.

this is a drawing i made some time ago.

and this is the colored version. still suck big time in shading, and zero knowledge in special effect, but for now, i'm cool with this :)

daenerys targaryen and daario naharis

i may not do the characters justice in this. they're not even my ideal pair, and i think they're not even end up being together? nonetheless, i kinda like the pairing... so..

matcha tea, my favourite tea aside from the malaysian teh tarik and sweetened iced tea :D

i initially found matcha tea among the varieties of teas in Tea Bar, and along with 'just nice' touch of red beans in the beverage, i was hooked. 

i know these instant tea (bubble tea they call em?) are not good for health but it's so convenient browsing around the mall while sipping your favourite tea. making the struts fly by >_<

i happen to look around amazon for the kind of match tea they sell there, and wow, the price... i mean, perhaps i am better off looking for match tea in carrefour, jusco, or maybe cold storage. much more compatible with my bank account :P

cheerio!

after a LONG hiatus, i finally drew something.. and i dunno why, i love it :P

i still havent caught the mood for coloring, plus i honestly think my drawing looks better unlike people naked.

so i just cleaned it up a bit. 

this is as good as my lazy ass is capable of doing.

but true, i really love this one. 

oh ya, got the idea of guys with lip piercing from the novel The Secret of Ella and Micha. it did makes the character seems a bit more manly. gee sorry i cant help but drawing one of those jambu faces again and again 

oh, and i WANT DAT WAIST!!!!!!!!

my first e-card! well, not really an e-card but more like polaroid pic :P

i've always liked to browse through someecards.com, mostly because some of them is so funny, partly because most of them remind me of reality. and of course, i couldn't stow my twitchy fingers for so long before i wanted to make one of my own.

but instead of incorporating a catchy and funny phrase, i wanted something more meaningful, perhaps a reminder for myself, and whoever managed to catch a glimpse of it. human forget, anyways. 

i hope i can keep on doing this, though not frequently. because sometimes in lowest times of life, i do need some wise words to keep me going.

lolz i even imitate someecards signature style. my bad. :P

suit up!

recent read : Gentle Daisy (Dengeki Daisy)

gentle daisy is quite an interesting manga. it's about a girl whose brother died, and all that he left her is a handphone, which she will use to message an individual named daisy. daisy's role in the girl's life is to cheer her up with kind words and to protect her from any incoming danger.

that's the element that captured my interest.

once i had my own daisy, who constantly cherish me with kind words, and to stay with me during the worst moments in my life, all through text messages. i know that seemed impossible, but i was there once. and somehow, not knowing (in real life) the person at the end of the line give you freedom to tell them just about everything. and that was enough for me, to have someone listened to my problems and knowing that actually this person care to listen to my unnecessary ramblings.

but i became greedy, and i took our relationship to the next level. real-life level.

right now, i know i have made the right choice. but that action, actually cause me to lose my own daisy. knowing someone in real life, no matter how special that relationship turned out to be, barred me from spilling everything out to the person. no matter how badly i want to. and i AM bad with spoken words, especially when i'm frustrated or angry, which will cause things i said to be taken for another meaning. so i stayed silent most of the times.

so.. i kinda missed having my own daisy back.

though it may be improbable, or even impossible. 

p/s : if you read this, don't misunderstand.

  

calories please be kind to me

i've had weight issue since i was a kid. i think i did eat a lot more compared to my other siblings, which in turn makes me the fattest of 'em all. T_T not the title anyone wants, isn't it.

however in recent time, i kinda realized that i should do something about it. i don't wanna end up growing old fat and eventually forced by the doctor to jog around the park every morning just for the sake of my health when i should fill my retirement years with relaxing and other stuff i should be doing by then.

i did lose some weight, thanks to a simple breakfast i took from february to june, though occasionally i was defeated by the nasi lemak and fried mee hoon sold at the ground level of the hostel. i need to lose at least another 17 kg more to achieve my ideal weight. wow. now that i'm typing it out here, that number sure seems like a LOT. 

so with the semester holiday, i'm staying at home, and once again defeated by all kinds of delicious breakfast sold around my house ( my family don't cook our own breakfast, we buy them most of the time ). and i stopped with my breakfast scheme.

and ramadhan came. i know lots of people see this month as an opportunity to eat less, but after seven days, i see no changes. but still, fortunately i maintained the weight from june until now. PHEW! 

so calories, please be kind to me. let me consume a little less of you guys, and can you please please please burnt off a little quicker when i'm doing anything in my sedentary lifestyle? gosh i sound so lazy and BAD. but that's just who i really am. a lazy girl hoping to shed some more weight so she can do a little krav maga. heh. i wish.

goodbye rainbows and butterflies

this may be permanent or temporary

to me, it may be a phase or not

i really don't know

but for the time being

i'll just be an abandoned name

and may it stay that way

for my own sake

rambles rambles rambles.... and a request from a friend :3

it's holiday season (bazillionth YAY!) which means it's time for frequent drawing sessions. for this holiday, i try to find pictures that i can translate directly into pieces of drawing. most of the time, the subject would be women, or female characters. i don't know... i just don't have the courage to draw men :/

and in the meantime, i still have to read the road rules thing for my L license (yep, 21 is a bit late to start getting a licence, i know). which i'm quite happy to announce that i passed the computer test. HOURRA! i think i'll continue to get my P licence during the next holiday ::shrugs::

and one day, my friend rizal, fellow classmate and blogger asked me to draw something for him. i told him it would take quite some time, and by today i think that's enough time. he wanted something cute, but after drawing previous ones which are all NOT chibis, i guess i can't change the mature ambience of my tools. lol.  

and i ended up with this.

i like the shirt and the hair. haha

i *tried* to draw xiaxue, and... i can't say i don't like it :)

you can say i'm a sucker for xiaxue. plastic or not, she is certainly one of the most beautiful blogger, in addition she has  a fabulous life! that's quite everything i would like to order from fate department. lol.

as one of her fans, it's only natural for me to subscribe to her facebook page, and one day she uploaded this picture. blah blah blah duck-face-we've-all-known yadda yadda i know, but awwww doesn't she look adorable? and all the pink? and whatever warm filter she used on the photo? 


i love this picture.


so i decided that i'd want to draw this one pic. and months after that, i finally did.

i know. it's not nearly eye-catching as the original, but... i like it. maybe it's because the eyes, which i just figured how to make 'em that way. :D 


and maybe because i finally move from my standard 'standing' pose. copying from picture is a really good exercise, coz then the pose of the object will be more lifelike, and the anatomy will be more accurate, too. (which in my case is 'uh' because i really tend to deviate from the original picture. Lol.

cheerios. or cheerio without 's'? i forgot.


p/s : is it wrong for me to post her picture here? i thought as long as i'm not saying anything demeaning, it's okay. correct me if i'm wrong.

letting go

i just need to get away for some time. maybe it's the best thing to do. this isn't my luckiest hunch but i think this time, i'm right. 

yeah i'll miss you, the-sites-i-frequent-for-years-till-now

on a lighter note, i LOATHE it when i tuned in to mtv hits and korean songs popped out of nowhere. i definitely missed the time when i can understand the songs they play in the channel. too bad, people easily succumb to plastic beauty and empty coreography. 

well, me too, actually. but i prefer moves from so you think you can dance and ALL the plastic beauty can only attract me to stare for like, 30 seconds and not the whole 4 minutes video. 

so for me, kpop can suck it.

can you keep my secret?

sometimes i think i will end up being like Leonard's mother. i hope not. O_o yep that got me thinking if i'm much of mom material at all.

yup, that's my fingew tip. i still couldn't affowd to buy a pwopew scannew.


"cwap."


lol i just adores it when Kwipke said it. so cute! 


oh, and wight now, i'm thinking of pushing things a bit just so i can have my ebook weadew by the end of septembew. i hope my planning wont go astway. 


p/s : all the characters mentioned refer to The Big Bang Theory